I have my first thoughts of suicide.  I still work in Cannon Beach and every day on the way home, I stop at the beach and walk a couple of miles.  I don’t know if I am going to return to the car or just go into the ocean.  Eventually, I have to admit that life without Randy turns out to be bearable.  My friends get me into counseling and help me move into a smaller place.  I find a cute studio with a great view of the Columbia River and the bridge.